The past few weeks have been incredibly stressful, and I have been overwhelmed with feelings of incompetence. I was questioning everything I was and everything I was meant to do. Since I am a person who tends to avoid feeling pain, I distanced myself from anything that made me think deeper than what to cook for dinner for the past three weeks. This included an unhealthy diet of surfing the internet, burying myself in social media, and reading articles or news stories. Oh yeah, I pretty much ditched listening to God. I felt like a zombie, like I was barely living.
Yesterday morning I finally decided to face my fears and spent time journaling and being still before the Lord. I had a realization about input from the world vs. output into the world.
Input from the World
Input from the world includes reading, watching TV, surfing the Internet, reading magazines, and anything else where you absorb information. The information culled from such resources in itself is not bad; I learned a lot from watching youTube videos of my favorite musicians, getting some insight from Jay-Z for the third time, and reading lots of news articles. It was the actual amount of information I was absorbing that became unhealthy. I mean, I almost went to the dark side with it, and if I had I would’ve showered maybe once a week.
Output into the World
Output into the world is basically your own creative energy expressed only by you and breathed into the world. This includes activities such as journaling, songwriting, cooking, dancing. Basically, it is doing anything with your God-given gifts.
If you think about it, “Output into the World” is actually WORSHIP.
I love Harold Best‘s definition of Worship: “Worship is the continuous outpouring of all that I am, all that I do and all that I can ever become in light of a chosen or choosing god.” (Unceasing Worship, p.18)
Because I tend to be pretty undisciplined and unfocused, I want to try a little experiment. What if I gave myself one or two days to receive input: read blogs, watch youTube videos, catch up with friends on FB and twitter, read the news, learn about how to do things, etc., and the rest of the days only output (create, write, dance, make the news, etc.) ? 5 days of complete worship, and 2 days of learning so I can worship more. 2 days to get “it” out of my system, 5 days of a media fast. Two days of thinking about how I would do things, five days of actually doing things. What would that look like, what would be the result, and what would change?
As the kick off to this experiment, I have written this post in 15 minutes after not writing for over a year. I am putting my fears aside about rejection or criticism. I have given up on perfectionism, trying to keep in mind that right at this very moment I am worshiping.